well damn this sucks donkey balls

im having surgery tomorrow(friday) for all of this stuff......

it sucks i get the anethesia and im scared shitless i dont know what to do....

i wont be back on here for another 3 weeks soo send me LOTS OF GOOD MESSAGES

im having the LEEP surgery incase your wondering its just this wire thing that they shoot volts of electricity through so it "cuts" like a knife but all it really does is burn the skin so ya GROSS

im going in in a few minuets for a pre-op so wish me luck

and if you pray.....

pray for me

if you believe.....

believe in me

and if you hope......

hope for me.....

TIll death due us part

*~*Michelle*~*

wel school sucks but im passing i think my best class is Psychology but its kewl ummmm its great to hear from you guys my life is kinda hitting a rut and i think as more time passes what friends i do have are starting to understand the reality in all this and one in particular has been crying a bit and theres nothing i can really say ya know i mean i try to comfort her but shes really started to understand that all of this is real so i dont know what to say.......its hurts me that shes hurting for no reason........and i try to tell her that we can only go one day at a time........and since all this ive learned to take it slow and thank god every day that i wake up everyday i sit up in bed turn off my alarm clock and i say "god even though today will probably be a shitty day.......thanks for letting me wake up and enjoy it" everyday i say the same thing and my ob-gyn has kinda knocked some since into me he said 'i only drink by the sunsets cause i figure God likes sunsets......i dont go to church often cause i figure god doesnt like all the hipocrits in em  but when i lay down at night i say god its been a hard day and thanks for letting me wake to see it but now its time for me to go to bed so im going to leave you in charge while i sleep.....so watch over me.." hes a smart man atleast in my eyes and what he told me kinda made since he said we all just need to let god take control........well i used to be very religious or atleast i tried......but jr high school hit nd i figured god didnt have time to listen to me so i quit talking.......now i still dont go to church as often as i should but i do make time to talk to god.......is that one of those to little to late type of things where people know there dying so they try to get right with god.......but i dont know if im dying so does it still make me bad?.......am i just like everyone else?.........i dont know but i know i try like hell to not be.....just please keep me in your thoughts and ill be back soon......

*~*Michell*~*

wow i never knew how much other blog sites really suck until i left you guys...........BIG MISTAKE

anyway ive decided to come back even if no one talks to me anymore because i need somewhere to let my feelings out...........and i guess this is my place........well school sucks big donkey doo......ive been kicked off the cheerleading team cause i missed a game to spend time with my family..............BULLSHIT!! 

ummmm i recently went back for my 6month check up about a month ago and i went back last friday for my results and they said they have no idea whats wrong with me right now and they have no idea what to do about it........the only thing they can come up with is pre-cancer........so ive started all my traetments all over again two days ago(monday) i went for another biopsie(sp?) and im still getting over that and i go back next monday for my results........

bleh it sucks but i gotta do it my ob-gyn is so awesome hes very nice to i never thought id like a male doctor down there but hes not creepy or weird hes very nice and very very professional.......

my puppy recently died which totally sucks but my hermies are healthy and my cats are stupid but i love em anyway.....

but for now imma go and do my homework......

oh i hope everyone had an awesome Thanksgiving

its great to be back

love

peace

&

EBT

*!*Michelle*!*