wow another year of high school hell........almost OVER!

today is my last day but the real last day is friday.....im just kewl and dont have to go.......

another year gone in the blink of an EYE and now im a Junior heh one step closer to my senior year ^_^  T-totally kewl

i made some new friends got rid of some fake ones.....learned some awesome stuff and and lost 20lbs due to nasty school food.......lost an awesome teacher/friend/grandma/cook/sewer but i wont let the miles seperate our bond........

so obviously this is for Mrs. Johnson this is just a post (that she will probably never read) so say how much she actually helped me.......ive known her for about 3years now and she has helped me through hell and back.......ive never really liked school until i had her class and now if i had her everyday id NEVER miss a day.......she feeds me when im hungry.......lets me lay down when im sick........ive called her grandma a few times on accident and all she said was "its ok what did you want babygirl".......she taught me how to sew and make the best no bake drop cookies around........she taught me about life and gave me some of the best advice ive ever had........and even when i was mean and bitchy over a bad day she never ever was mean back.......weve had some fun times and some bad times ive cried and shes cried and im crying now like a baby.......i will truely miss her not because she was a great teacher but because she was an AWESOME friend........so Mrs. Johnson i know youll never see this but if im wrong and you do THANKS........for EVERYTHING ill miss you but i SWEAR ill keep in touch and i wish you the best of luck in everything you do and tell Bobby hi for me i hope you guys make it!!!!!!

forever

Mrs. Johnson's 7th Hour

"monkey"

Michelle 

well damn.......i thought it was over.

Yesterday i went to have my cervex frozen.......nobody even bothered to tell me it would hurt that bad........Gee Thanks.

they said my HPV was already turning cancerous but it was only the first stages.....

so they think they got it......in 6 months ill go back for a re-evaluation and then in another 6 months ill go back again.....if nothing shows up within the next year then im home free.....

however.....

if it comes back theyll try freezing again if that fails again then bye-bye motherhood....well....

ya i guess so.......besides even if i did want one now Jacob Allan would tell me no......

"your going to be somebody if i have to push you the whole way" he says

he doesnt want me to end up like my mother and he wants me to follow my dreams no matter where they take me and he says hell follow......

but.......to never have kids? i dont think i could.......thats something ive wanted ever since i got a hold of my beautiful niece Keke.......shes beautiful shes amazing its almost as if there will never be another like her shes special in every way and Brittany(kekes momma my gurlie)never takes a moment for grantet(SP?) and i want that with MY baby

gawd i probably should be on the Jerry Springer Show but screw it

ive always said if i can never have kids ill adopt so.......

damn i dont know..........

forever

^_^Michelle^_^

♥wow♥

my wonderfull Jacob Allan made it through his ♥(heart)♥ surgery ok!!!

im not sure if i told you all or not but the guy who broke up with me

well i wouldnt call it broke up we just kinda acted stupid for about a week anyway.........

hes 15 and had to go in for open heart surgery two nights ago at 5Am

i was scared but im not anymore.........2 1/2 hours after his surgery they took out his breathing tube......which means he was breathing fine on his own!!!!

you know how our heart have a tube on each side to pass blood to both sides?well both of his were on one side so one side of his heart wasnt getting blood so if he got over excited or something and made his heart pump it would cause him to have black outs and seziures and shit . crazy i know

hes my soldier.......he never gives up.........not even on me when im being a bitch to him

I♥love♥him♥so♥much

its almost been a year for us......and i dont see myself without him.......i know you might say "oh shes to young she has no idea" whatever you dont feel what i feel for that boy

and trust me ive had a lot of boyfriends and ive never liked one this much well......except one

but we wont speak of him..........

anyway im super happy hes fine and im going to see him soon

♥yay♥

♠Jacob Allan Lasher♠

♦you little fucker!♦

◘I love you hunnie!◘

•so much!!!!•

○Michelle○

well good news

its

NOT CANCER!!!!!

im ok atleast for now......

they said what i have is an infection

that if left alone

DOES turn into cancer

they said they THINK they caught mine in time there not sure yet

i went in for a biopsy yesterday and it HURT.....BAD i cried for so long

and my ex-boyfriend took care of me all day he even went with me (heh how convienent {SP?}) lmao

anyway im sore and trying to recover and for now im ok

in 2 weeks i return again to the doctor to have my insides frozen to try and

STOP AND OR SLOW DOWN the infection ........so for now

im happy

and to everyone who sent me messages and kind words prayers or even jsut thoughts

THANKS your guys are one in a million and im very lucky to have people like u guys care about me :)

so for the minute

everyone just

SMILE!!!!

-michelle-

well it seems there are really people out there who have a heart

and not just pretend to...

maybe i should let you all know who i am outside of my pain......im not a bad person im really not......matter of fact id call myself the good one......so i smoke a little weed.......the way i see it is like this its better i smoke weed...(which is organic not processed with harmfull shit) and smoke ciggarettes (which are totally not good) then be a pregnant teenage mother with no life who dropped out of school and sells herself on the street every night ot get some money to but heroine to shoot up........see now what i do is nothing compared to that right?

just yesterday i had the chance to drink....i said no because me and my bestest friend Brooke were out of town and being as shes not really a great driver anyway(shes 16 and hasnt even thought of getting a permit cause she doesnt no how to drive) i said "no because i have my bestfriends life in my hands and i couldnt live with noing i fucked it up" i said no even though they were all talking about "come on are you a pussy?" "are you scared" and things like that......im the one who would rather take my friends money go buy them some weed so they wont go spend it on "dope" (meth) im the one who tried out for cheerleading even though all my friends laughed in my face...(AND I MADE THE TEAM!!!!!)

id rather spend the weekend at home with a good book listening to music then go party(although it is nice) and i cant do any of that because my family is so "backward" my mother has a 10th grade education and im already smarter than her....and that hurts now whos going to help me with my homework.....matter of face i had to write a letter to my mothers doctor because shes illiterate and cant spell worth a shit......

my father graduated but didnt even think of collage cause he was locked up for 6 years of my life.......heh yes

anyway..... so theres a little bit more about me heh......

am i really that bad?

(?)Michelle(?)